[Marysville, CA] With the holiday season in full swing, scammers, spammers, and con artists are pulling out all the stops in an effort to separate you from your hard-earned cash. 

In the first installment of our "Helping You" series, Butcher Craig tears apart the latest 'African Money Scam' E-mail, translates it, and tells you how to avoid becoming the next victim. 

Hang on to your wallet

The E-mail we're going to work with today came to us via our advertising department.  Four of them were received.  Asking for assistance in moving African funds to the United States, this particular E-mail follows the pattern of most money scam messages.

In it you will find the introduction, the explanation - problems accessing funds usually due to the death of some major player in an African nation, the pitch - placing you in control of millions, and a demand for your immediate agreement to the terms of the deal.  This is the formula.

Sprinkled throughout this brilliantly devious structure, though, there are some telltale signs of fraud that you should be aware of.  Knowing them could be the difference between pressing 'delete' and losing your life savings.

Unedited text of the letter follows, comments will be in brackets [ ] and bold blue type.  Misspellings in original text were not corrected.

From: Marino  Naranma
Abidjan, Ivory Coast, West Africa.
[First hint:  Note the word 'Africa'.]

Permit me to inform you of our desire of going into business relationship with you.
[Translation:  Assume the position.]

I am quite aware that my message will come to you as a surprise because it is indeed very strange for someone you have not met before to contact you in this regard.
[Mental note:  Replace 'surprise' with 'load of crap' and 'very strange for' with 'an obvious scam when'.]

I am Ms Marino  Naranma. My father was a very wealthy Coccoa merchant in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, my father was assassinated to death by his uncle on one of their outings on a business trip.
[Question: 'assassinated to death' as opposed to what, idiot?]

My mother died when I was a baby and since then my father took me so special.
[Note: Okay, that's just wrong on so many levels.]

Before the death of my father on March 2006 in a private hospital here in Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of (Seven million, five hundred thousand United State Dollars).USD ($7.500, 000, 00) left in fixed / suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his only daughter for the next of Kin in depositing of the fund.
[Mental note:  Yes, the only daughter he had with male sex organs, a glass eye, a stolen computer, and an AK-47 leaning against his night stand.]

Though, he was killed out of wickedness and jealousy.
[Question: Again, as opposed to killed out of love and tenderness?]

This is why I want to leave Africa to be protected under your care till such a time that I am grown enough to face the business that you will negotiate for me.
[Mental note:  Hmm.  Father 'assassinated to death' in Ivory Coast… child asks for your protection from murderous uncle until old enough to take 7.5 million now in your possession.  Have a good guard dog?  I have a Chihuahua named Trevor.]

Dear, I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways:

1. To open a new account in which this money would be transferred.
2. To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 18years.
3. To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and also to secure a resident permit in your country.

[Note: I trust that the previous portion is sufficiently ridiculous without my two cents.]

Furthermore, dear please indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be conclude within seven (7) days you signify your interest to assist me.
[My options for you are as follows:

1. Uh… no. 
2. Uh… hell no. 
3. Wait… oh, uh… no.]

Anticipating hearing from you urgently.
[Mental note to author: Please continue to anticipate.]

Thanks and God bless.
Yours Sincerely,
Marino Naranma.

Data suggests that 75% of Americans who use e-mail will receive such an offer at least once a year.  The best defense against such fraud is education and critical thinking.

Remember, before you respond to someone from a foreign land claiming to be the beneficiary of millions and asking you to to help them smuggle that money into the United States... don't.

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